Lidl have introduced their Christmas range already but have caused a huge spike in the number of bankruptcies it has been announced.
Ash Kennedy, an accountant from Penge, has been given a week until bailiffs take his Audi TT.
'My comfortable existence is under threat and it is all Lidl's fault. Their mini-stollens are basically crack cocaine.'
'I bought my first packet and had finished them before getting back to the car. So I just went back and got more. Over and over and over again.'
'I have been crumbling them up and snorting them, smoking them, shoving them up my arse. I even tried to mainline them, but they're a bit too viscous.'
'But my life is falling apart. My wife has left. The kids are gone. The only thing to do is eat stollen methadone. Aldi Stollen. They're, well, they're......... They're shite!'
