Jon Snow yesterday tried skunk in Britain's randomest news item. In response, Paxman said he felt an obligation.
'I made an important decision', Paxman said. 'I couldn't let the other old, silver haired news bastard to steal my thunder. So last night I got a bicycle inner tube, a spoon and some tin foil and boiled up some grade A skag. The feeling of the heroin coursing through my veins was fucking epic.'
Channel 4 news has since issued a new standard operating procedure for all jounalists. Since this edict, Krishnan Guru-Murthy was found face down in a mountain of coke and Cathy Newman has been at a 24 hour techno club hammering the big beats on E.
