Madonna's brittle hips last night exploded into two clouds of dust at the Brit Awards.
The American singer, 79, was climbing a flight of stairs when it happened.
John Bowyer of Help The Aged said 'We have consulted with her in the past and insisted she not climb stairs without a Stannah Stair lift. But she will not be told.'
He continued 'She took very well to the zimmer frame but her determination to feed and dress herself, which to many may seem brave, is just foolish. Though the staff at the home don't mind as she reeks of piss.'
Madonna said in an interview afterwards 'I'm 79 you know. You have it easy. It wasn't this easy in the war.'
Her hip dust was sold to a Chinese medicine trader as a cure for impotence.