After reports emerged that Gerry Adams enjoys trampolining naked with his dog, Martin McGuinness has said he enjoys juggling gerbils while crocheting a hat.
McGuinness said 'Well after Gerry said what he said I had to respond. I keep gerbils and I crochet so I thought I would juggle one whilst doing the other. And after the bizarre statement that Gerry made yesterday I assume this was a new Sinn Fein policy initiative so I ran with it.'
He continued 'It's been a week since I last spoke to Gerry and he did tell me he had started experimenting with hallucingens. He missed out on the 70's because he and I were busy with an entirely peaceful politicial movement. So I think he's making up for lost time.'
'Honestly, I don't know what he's been smoking but I want some. It might dull the memory of those long cabinet meeting with Ian Paisley. Fuck, they were torrid.'
