Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has hit back over claims he lied about Iran being able to produce its own nuclear bomb.
The claim, debunked by his own security services, is seen as part of his election campaign.
He is quoted as saying 'Israel now stands on her own, under threat from every other country. I have credible reports the Italians are developing IPDs (Improvised Pasta Devices).'
He continued, 'These pasta bombs will reign havoc and carbs on the Israeli people. The British are also developing psychological weaponry they call 'Sarcasm' that we have codenamed 'Sarcophagus'. It's deadly.'
Netanyahu finished by saying that Israel was also under threat from itself and ordered all citizens to take a long, hard look in the mirror and tell themselves off.
Yitzhak Goldberg of the Israeli Labour Party said 'I give up. We're too far gone. I'm moving to France or Britain where I don't have to summarily fear everyone that isn't me. Much better to be in Britain where I can just hate everyone who isn't me instead.'