As the Ukrainian ceasefire falters, Ukrainian rebels have said they cannot morally stop kicking dogs.
A spokesman said 'Morally we own the town we are currently fighting for because, er, we were told we do by a man with a russian accent. No, sorry, it's our birthright. And we have to kick dogs also.'
He continued 'We also have to throw hamsters, slap children and push over old people. Morally of course. This is all morally.'
A spokesman for the Russian government said that the rebels were acting independently and had attained their weapons by growing them in a gun farm.
The NATO Secretary General could be heard laughing from over 300 miles away.