With the announcenent yesterday of Samsung's latest flagship phone, the Galaxy S6, new details of the Apple v Samsung court case have emerged.
As part of the deal struck to allow Samsung to continue to sell phones, no features must be better than Apple's.
An anonymous Apple insider told us 'Frankly, Samsung had us on the ropes. With their big screens, replaceable batteries and expandable storage we were fucked.'
He continued 'If a phone crashes or runs out of juice it's always useful to be able to change the battery. Now Samsung users will have the same doubts and zero peace of mind that iPhone users have.'
'It's a result for us and the consumer will be fucked. Just as we like it. A shit phone for people we despise.'
Asked for a comment, Samsung said 'We were visitted by the ghost of Steve Jobs. He has been busy buying heaven and privatising it. The angels are now known as Holy Geniuses. And we would spend eternity working for Blackberry if we didnt comply. We had to. I'm sorry.'