Mohammed Emwazi is to be joined in his mental crusade by fellow Britons Fatwa Frank and Mufti Mabel.
Security expert Dr. John Billings of the Youngman Institute for Kinetic Energy Shielding (YIKES) said 'Despite the media knowing Jihadi John's real name for 4 days now, they find it much easier to use the pseudonym Jihadi John as it's simpler and easier to paint him as a cartoon character than a deeply troubled and evil human being.'
He continued 'Far simpler to keep this silly name and start using the Americanism 'The Bad Guys and The Good Guys' as if geopolitics is some sort of Hollywood action film with an Irish American beat cop versus crazed Arabs with tea towels on their heads.'
Our investigation shows that all major news outlets are to start referring to Abdul Raqib Amin as Fatwa Frank and Aqsa Mahmood as Mufti Mabel.
We showed our findings to Dr. Billings.
'Great' he said. 'More oversimplification and black and white thinking. Just what this situation needs. Does anyone in government or the media have what we academics like to call a 'brain'?'