London Mayor Boris Johnson is to be converted into a power station when his current term finishes.
Often mooted as a future leader of the Conservative Party, Johnson instead will serve his nation as a source of power.
Professor Charles Langtree of Felchfield Polytechnic explains.
'Mr. Johnsom has a very high bluster output. We can harness this and create friction which will drive a generator.'
Boris had this to say of his service. 'Happy to help dear boy. Listen, I've no idea what that Prof is talking about but it sounds fun. Can I still shag anything with a pulse?'
'The sheer amount of babbling, bumbling and hair friction alone will power London for a year.'
'He produces well over 20 MBTs of power per second (Mega Bollocks Tossers).'