Commuters on busy trains have started carrying kitchen knives and shivs in what has been as escalation in train related gang violence.
With seats at a premium, commuters have been aligning themselves into factions 'The City Boys', 'Fleet Street Fuckers' and 'Working Wank Warriors'.
The weak have found themselves factionless. Bill Turner, an office administrator who dared to sit down said 'I've been shived twice today already. Hence why I gave up my seat.'
'Well, I say gave up. More fell off it after being stabbed and now lying in an enlargening pool of blood. Can I die in peace please?'
Henry Fulcrum of the British Transport Police said of the increasing violence 'We need to let it happen. Too many people, too few trains. A cull is necessary. At least that's what I was paid to sat by The City Boys.'