Marjorie Bacon, co-ordinator of the Call Centre Company's tea club is really a mob enforcer it was revealed today.
Her weekly collection for tea, milk, sugar and biscuits is overpriced and the difference guarantees the safety of the donors.
'I always give. I'm not stupid' said Mark Cheese, call advisor.
'I give my weekly tenner and in return I get piss weak tea and broken custard creams. But more importantly Marjorie doesn't rip my fingernails off.'
Marjorie, a 72 year old retiree who volunteers her services said 'People are very generous with their money. I have no idea why.'
'I don't think it has anything to do with the time I used pliers to pluck a mans bollock hair.'