After an incident in which several nuns threw themselves at the Pope during a visit to Naples, the Pontiff has declared he is drowning in Nun pussy.
'I can't get enough.' he said. 'They love my holiness and I love their holes.'
It was at this point in our interview a Cardinal interjected and whispered in the Pope's ear. We could still hear his reaction through our microphones.
'Seriously? None. At all. Ever? But I'm horny as fuck! How can I advise people in their sex lives if I don't shag?'
At this point the Pontiff came back to the interview.
'I would like to retract my former statement. It was just a little pope humour. Ha ha ha.
The Pope then took a large swig of communion wine from a very unusual bottle. Hard, knobbly and unsuitable for children, Pope Francis is 78.