The upcoming new Bond film 'Spectre' is to feature a unique and shocking enemy it has been revealed.
Directed by Sam Mendes who directed the previous Bond outing Skyfall, the director will strike a similar tone.
'We know what the audience wants.' said Mendes.
'Bond used to be about the future, new technology at the forefront of defence. But these days people would rather revel in a masturbatory wistful nostalgia fest, so we will chuck in an old Aston Martin, revive an old bad guy and arm everyone with Rosa Klebb's knifey stabby shoes.'
'Because heaven forbid we do something original. No, let's just churn out the same shite over and over and hope everyone swallows it before vomitting up a lung.'
'Modern films are cancer. So fuck it, the 'spectre' will be a lung cancer shadow. Inside Bond. From his old 60 a day habit. Let him die choking on his own blood. That will get the bums on seats.'
'Now excuse me, I really must go and kill myself.'