David Cameron has said there were five reasons why he could not debate last night. He described them essentially as:
1) Dismantling the NHS takes many hours of overtime. Destroying a beacon for the poor so as to look as little of a total shit as possible is not easy.
2) Berating Nick for not voting for compulsory slaves for the top 1%
3) Touring the local pubs in search of any of his many abandoned children.
4) Washing his hair in Caffeine shampoo but neglecting to tell anyone it's German.
5) Catching up on Holby City and Geordie Shore.
Mr. Cameron said these were priority actions that will keep him focused on delivering abandoned promises and destroying dreams for the masses.