A study has emerged that says reading the entire Guardian Culture section is the closest feeling to having a fucking colossal brain haemorrhage.
'It's the sheer volume of shite that does it' said Professor Charles Langtree of Felchfield Polytechnic.
'Take yesterday's headline of 'Jefferson Hack’s fashion-dance mashup: Tanztheater Wuppertal perform in Prada'
'I recognise the words 'perform' and 'in' but the rest of it is a white noise of random, drug-fuelled bollocks.'
'When I read such headlines I worry that the next 500 words will lead to chronic dissociative disorder and a penchant for Will Selfian drivel-speak.'
Professor Langtree's MRI scans of victims of Guardian Culture show similar brainwave patterns to sexual sadists.
'I think they may be wanking themselves off whilst hanging from a responsibly sourced hemp rope and choking on an organic satsuma' he said.
'It's the sheer volume of shite that does it' said Professor Charles Langtree of Felchfield Polytechnic.
'Take yesterday's headline of 'Jefferson Hack’s fashion-dance mashup: Tanztheater Wuppertal perform in Prada'
'I recognise the words 'perform' and 'in' but the rest of it is a white noise of random, drug-fuelled bollocks.'
'When I read such headlines I worry that the next 500 words will lead to chronic dissociative disorder and a penchant for Will Selfian drivel-speak.'
Professor Langtree's MRI scans of victims of Guardian Culture show similar brainwave patterns to sexual sadists.
'I think they may be wanking themselves off whilst hanging from a responsibly sourced hemp rope and choking on an organic satsuma' he said.