Guardian journalists are hammering at their keyboards as we speak to see who can smash out the smuggest piece about the new ailing GDP figures.
Acting with no more dignity than Tories who stoke seperatism by talking up the SNP, the paper's journalists are preparing to unleash a wave of glee over the latest economic figures.
'I have just wiped the spunk off my keyboard and already have 500 words' said Olly Gordon-Hove.
'Nothing gives me the horn quite as much as bad news for the Tories.'
'Yes, lower GDP means that some very poor people will have lost their jobs.'
'But fuck 'em. I get to have a twitter war with Danny Finkelstein amd Quentin Letts. And then self immolate from the increasingly furious masturbation.'
We asked a real person for their opinion. Working father and Guardian reader Rob Fulton said 'Whilst what the Guardian wants as it's endgame, that being a left wing government, is good, have any of them ever thought to spend time with actual working people?'
He continued 'They think they know what we want. Correction, they think they know what we need.'
'It's pathetic paternalism and utterly patronising.'
'At least the right wing press are open about being utter gits. Prepare for the deluge of smug twattery.'