With Russia flexing its muscles by sending all three of its ships into the English Channel, Defence Minister Peter Gradzky announced their expansion plans.
'We have developed a new fast reaction craft designed to attack at a moments notice and show off to bikini clad Bahaman women. It is called the Jetski. Sorry, Jet Ski.'
He continued 'Our other craft is a stealth vessel powered by porridge filled human that we stole from a family in Newquay in Cornwall. This rubber dinghy is the ultimate in cost efficient defence.'
'Today, using Russias only pen, I initialed the contract for 2 more of each craft with a bloke called Dave I met in the pub and signed on the bottom of a piece of bog roll.'
'Just over 2.1 trillion roubles of the Russian peoples money will be transferred into his account for this hostoric defence deal, minus Mr. Putins 99.8% arrangement fee.'
'A great day for Mother Russia. The daft old bitch.'