The ghost of Joseph Stalin appeared in the morning mists today to warn people off Nicola Sturgeon.
Speaking in perfect english the ghost said 'I have not come to you before because Salmond was hated in England because he was a bit of a dick.'
'But Nicola Sturgeon is loved by the English. And she wants to ban her party members criticising her in public. I did that and look what happened to me! I'm dead! (by natural causes).'
He continued 'The socialist fight is to unite all working people. Seperatism wil divide you from your working brothers and sisters in northern England. Stay and fight the good fight. Don't run away because you hate the English.'
'You don't really. You hate London and everyone hates them. Even Londoners.'
'Sturgeon is driven by hate. Look what hate did to me! I'm dead! (by natural causes).
'Fight! Fight the man together. Fight the power! Public Enemy had a point. They didn't sing 'Run Away From the Power.'
'Come together as a whole or you'll end up like me! I'm dead! (by natural causes).'