Tony Blair quit yesterday as Middle East peace envoy, giving only 45 minutes notice it has emerged.
Speaking of his sudden departure, Mr. Blair said 'I am at my wits end.'
'You invade a major middle eastern nation killing thousands of civilians in the name of national security and people show no gratitude.'
He continued 'Then you get a job to represent a nation of people without representation and spend most of your time hanging round in Tel Aviv in expensive hotels and restaurants.'
'How do the Palestinians think I will make a difference? It won't happen by actually going to Gaza and the West Bank and spending time with the people. How am I meant to get a photo-op with John Kerry there?'
'No, much better to cosy up to Netanyahu and use my influence to arrange business deals for myself. Although apparently Bibi isn't happy about that.'
'So fuck him. I'm taking his stapler and a whole box of Post-It notes. And Gaza can fuck off. Calls itself the Gaza 'Strip' and yet there's not one titty bar. Pathetic.'