Professor Charles Langtree of Felchfield Polytechnic announced today that magic mushrooms are a safe substance.
From atop his floating orange hippopotamus, Professor Langtree said 'Mushrooms are as safe as eating a bishop.'
'They are really tasty. The mitre tastes of liquorice shoelaces. My shoelaces look like snakes.'
'Why is your hair called Bernard? Can you step closer, I can't smell your face.'
Professor Langtree has been removed from his position pending an investigation into allegations he may have been using hallucinogens.