On the morning of 8th May, David Cameron is expected to be more difficult to remove from 10 Downing Street than a particularly embarrassing stain.
Expecting to enact the 'I haven't packed yet' response, he will ask the Queen for a month long extension on his eviction to pack the lead decanters and find any document Ian Duncan Smith even touched and have it burnt.
Speaking from the upstairs window of 10 Downing Street, Mr. Cameron said 'I've been far too busy campaigning to pack.'
'I've still got discs from the Breaking Bad box set missing. And Samantha can't find her GHDs anywhere.'
Desperate to remain in number 10, Mr. Cameron is said to have confided in colleagues that he will be more difficult to remove than a limpet stuck on with superglue and sticky back plastic.
'Not even Valerie Singleton with nail varnish remover could budge me.' he said.
'I'll cling on so much Captain Kirk would shit his pants.'
Labour said 'Well someone will finally get some use out of Boris's water cannons.'
'We'll drown the cunt out if we have to.'