With the parties starting to think in earnest about the post election shape of the government, the head of the civil service has brought in his top wheeler dealer to broker the agreements.
Derek 'Del Boy' Trotter, a deal maker of over 40 years experience with businesses in New York and Paris, is said to be the ideal candidate to help negotiate a stable government.
'Well Nick 'The Leg' Clegg and Davey Boy Cameron have form but I think I can set The Leg up with Head Milipede.'
'I have been in a mange tout with my compatriot Boycie and we think we could organise a cushdy deal on some slightly used Jaguars for Minister's cars.'
But David Cameron is said to be upset with the lack of options for his party and the long service of Mr. Trotter. Decrepit, creaking and spongy of brain, Mr Cameron is 48.