After Tahera Ahmad was refused a closed can of Coke on a United Airlines flight, new safety rules have been introduced to prevent further terrorism.
Speaking from under her tin foil hat, United head of Communications Lydia Fnarson said 'Ms. Ahmad's complaint is a sign we were correct.'
'If she was really an innocent she would have allowed us to handcuff her to the seat, strip her naked and feed her with a tube.'
'But as this is apparently a breach of her rights, we must conclude she is a terrorist.'
'Her continued insistence on being a Muslim also means that requests for a hot towel or sponge will be denied on account of her suspected wish to choke people with them.'
Speaking from under her tin foil hat, United head of Communications Lydia Fnarson said 'Ms. Ahmad's complaint is a sign we were correct.'
'If she was really an innocent she would have allowed us to handcuff her to the seat, strip her naked and feed her with a tube.'
'But as this is apparently a breach of her rights, we must conclude she is a terrorist.'
'Her continued insistence on being a Muslim also means that requests for a hot towel or sponge will be denied on account of her suspected wish to choke people with them.'