Irish theme pubs chain O'Neills has shut this weekend as all of their authentic staff have gone home to vote on the gay referendum.
'I'm devastated.' said borderline alcoholic Ash Kennedy.
'Where am I going to get my authentically served Guinness served by an authentic Irishman with an authentic shamrock in the foam like all authentic twats drink?'
'And the overpriced but shockingly bland food. And the local band that plays shit music with an irish twist and therefore everyone thinks it's authentic and dances to it.'
'Where am I going to get my craic now?'
'All because gay people want human rights that are inalienable yet there is a referendum on whether people have birth rights when the government should have just enacted it because you can't vote on rights.'
'What about my human tight to get pissed on overpriced toilet water?'