Shortages in Prosecco and Olive Oil have led to the opening of middle class food banks it has been announced.
Opening in abandoned branches of Marco Pierre White's 'Wheeler's of St James's' and Jamie Oliver's 'Jamie's Italian', alternatives to these staples of the almost rich are being given out.
'We have taste tested many alternatives to Olive Oil' said food bank employee Julianna Von Hulkenberg.
'Frankly rape seed oil and coconut oil are the only options that cut it. Though we do offer Extra Virgin Lard.'
'We guarantee this is from the first squeezing of the cow.'
She continued 'As for the Prosecco alternative, I'm afraid it has to be 1999 all over again and we have to tolerate Cava.'
'Yes, you can try a Reisling or Cremant de Loire, but nothing says 'almost Champagne' like Cava.'
'Besides, Mummy has just bought shares in a Cava vineyard. So none of this lowering ourselves to living like scum will effect us.'
Opening in abandoned branches of Marco Pierre White's 'Wheeler's of St James's' and Jamie Oliver's 'Jamie's Italian', alternatives to these staples of the almost rich are being given out.
'We have taste tested many alternatives to Olive Oil' said food bank employee Julianna Von Hulkenberg.
'Frankly rape seed oil and coconut oil are the only options that cut it. Though we do offer Extra Virgin Lard.'
'We guarantee this is from the first squeezing of the cow.'
She continued 'As for the Prosecco alternative, I'm afraid it has to be 1999 all over again and we have to tolerate Cava.'
'Yes, you can try a Reisling or Cremant de Loire, but nothing says 'almost Champagne' like Cava.'
'Besides, Mummy has just bought shares in a Cava vineyard. So none of this lowering ourselves to living like scum will effect us.'