A study has revealed that the sewage in London has the highest concentrations of cocaine of any city in the world.
This has led to a new social problem where junkies are standing by sewage outlet pipes and trying to snort them.
'We have people coming into A & E shitfaced all the time but not quite like this' said Dr. Ash Kennedy.
'It doesn't matter how hard you huff it, it's still a turd.'
'Try snorting Tixielix instead. I've heard you trip your tits off with that stuff.'