On a visit to Germany, the Queen has been presented with a painting by the German President today.
Representing the Queen as a young Princess Elizabeth atop a horse being led by her father, Her Majesty forgot her usual social graces and was open with her opinions.
'The horse is blue for a start' said Her Maj.
'I look like a miniature Picasso that's had coffee spilt on it.'
'My father, if that is truly who it is meant to be, looks like a Scooby Doo baddie on crack.'
'Honestly, it's fucking arsejuice. It's cunt cheese of the highest order.'
'But thanks. Yeah, thanks for the effort. For the whole five fucking minutes of effort. Cheers.'