A wild Raccoon has been living the high life it was revealed yesterday.
Taking full advantage of the swamp environment, Hugo T. Raccoon has his own wading bird Butler and a personal chef gecko.
'I moved here from the north' said Hugo.
'I heard people here were so friendly and giving. So I came and I took. I took everything.'
'They are pushovers. I can do whatever the fuck I like and nobody complains.'
'I punched a badger for no reason once. He didn't bat an eyelid.'
'And then there is Barry. He's a 12 foot long Alligator with a crushing jaw of razor sharp teeth.'
'But I shat on his head one time and made him my bitch. Now he takes me wherever I need to go like a personal yacht.'
'I highly recommend oppression via supreme confidence and intimidation. It works for me like a treat.'