News that Russia and China have broken the encryption on the remaining intelligence files stolen by Edward Snowden has led to James Bond leaving Moscow.
Placed in the Kremlin to gather personal secrets about Vladimir Putin, Bond utilised the cover of a British gentleman spy about town with a penchant for the finer things in life.
'It has been a struggle to consume double filtered vodka and beluga caviar on a daily basis but somebody has to do it' said Bond.
'It is interesting that after a report was published saying judges rather than politicians should authorise wiretapping all of a sudden I have to come home.'
'Not that I'm complaining. The main courses here are just boiled cabbage. I've been shitting like an open tap.'
'But it's over. Tell me ma I'm comin' 'ome!'
'Oh she's dead isn't she?'
'Fuck.'