Spiritual leader of the Caledonian Cult, Al Ecksal Mondhas said that there will be as many referendums as it takes to ensure Scottish independence.
Speaking from his compound in Edinburgh, Mr. Salmond said 'The failure to deliver on the vow will trigger another referendum.'
'Actually, I'm being a bit disingenuous there. Even if they did deliver, I would drip enough poison into the ears of those surrounding Nicola Sturgeon until she agreed to one anyway.'
'And I am still amazed that no UK politician has asked the hypothetical question that would destroy the SNP surge.'
What is this question?
'Promise not to tell?'
Of course, with fingers crossed.
'All a jounalist or UK politician has to ask is this: If every single policy we wish to see in an independent Scotland was enacted across the entire UK, would you still want independence?'
'And of course the answer is yes. Because we have backed the Tories in the past. We have no philosophy.'
'Other than thinking the English are cunts and hating them of course.'
