David Cameron's wakes up every morning and throws a dart at a map of Syria and screams 'Bomb there!' to the Air Chief Marshall lying in bed next to him wanking him off, it emerged today.
Air Chief Marshall Sir Peter Lamborne was junior head of house at Eton College whilst Cameron studied there and formed a bond with Mr. Cameron.
After a senior Tory on the Defence select committee accused Mr. Cameron of making it up as he went along, these new details emerged.
'It's a shock to be sure' said an anonymous Conservative source.
'But we suspected that the Prime Minister's bombing was decided by how far he was from 'completion'.'
'We just didn't know who it was who was, erm, assisting him.'
'I hear he shouts 'chocks away' when he 'arrives'.'