Inheritance Ruling Leads to More Knives 'Accidentally' Left on Kitchen Floor

The news that a woman's last will and testamemt has been overturned in favour of her daughter who eloped as a 17 year old has led to a huge increase in knife related accidents, reports the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents. (Rospa)

'In just the last 12 hours, we have received over 200 telephone referrals from elderly people who have hurt themselves quite badly on a selection of mysteriously positioned knives, shivs and axes.' said a Rospa spokesman.

'It's almost as if grasping relatives no longer have to worry about ingratiating themselves with their elderly family members knowing they can just go to court to get their share of the inheritance.'

'Whilst we agree with the court's ruling in the case today, we are suspicious this is just a government plot to cull the elderly'

'And we are going to say no more on the matter in case it isn't a government plot and we are giving them ideas'

'I wouldn't put it past Cameron and Osborne to do it just to see if they can, the pair of infected nutsacks.'