Angela Merkel awoke this morning demanding a rifle and a puppy to shoot it has emerged.
After her early canine carnage, she then proceeded to eat an entire badger for breakfast.
'She is surely in pole position for Most Evil Woman of the year by now isn't she?' said Heinrich Gotebürg, press officer for the Bundestag.
'First, she financially ruins Greece. Then she says she doesn't believe in gay marriage. Now, she has made a young Palestinian girl cry by telling her what amounted to 'Fuck off back to where you came from.'
'The poor girl had been refused refugee status in Germany and weeped openly in front of Ms. Merkel who attemepted to comfort her with the soothing words 'If I let you in, I have to let many more in. So, bye!'
'This must be a victory for the Chancellor? First prize, $1 million helldollars to spend in Beelzebub's eternal Poundland. Fun!'