Countries across the globe have been involved in a massive conspiracy to convince the British their country is unduly cold and miserable it has been revealed.
As punishment for centuries of colonialism, the nations have been releasing doctored photographs and video footage showing sunshine and laughter in their countries.
'We couldn't keep it up any more. We started feeling sorry for the mother country' said Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi.
'It has got to the point now where Britain looks like a puppy that has had its chew toy taken off it. We couldn't inflict the pain any more.'
'So I can announce that all countries are as horrible as you Britain. You should see us during monsoon season. We are a right bloody state.'
'Almost as bad as Croydon.'