In an unusual display of humanity and sympathy, David Cameron has ordered his frontbench team to wear rubber facemasks with likenesses of the current Opposition.
With strict instructions to run around to the other side of the despatch box during PMQ's and ask spme searching questions of the Prime Minister, this is seen as an unusally conciliatory tone from David Cameron.
'I have been able, without the need for whips or bribery, to persuade the Labour frontbench to adopt our entire manifesto verbatim' said Mr. Cameron.
'I even heard rumblings they are willing to OK fox hunting again as long as we put a moratorium on urban fox hunting. Which we've never done anyway.'
'Honestly, it's getting a bit embarrassing. Other countries think we've banned opposition parties. We must do something.'
'So this Wednesday, George and I will be getting quite the cardio workout as we run from one side of parliament to the other. See if maybe we can inspire Labour to put up a bit of a fight instead of rolling over and begging us to scratch their belly.'
'Yes, we're cunts. But we at least have to give people a reason to think we're cunts if Labour won't.'