Allotment Secretaries, the holder of the keys to the green and fertile land and all powerful lords of legumes, are being frustrated by anarchist allotment renters.
'It took me 3 years to get hold of this allotment. They are all rented by rich old women who live in detached houses and can afford food whilst I would like to grow food for my starving family' said Ash Kennedy.
'Because I also have to work long hours to support my clan, I cant spend the required 23 hours and 52 minutes per day on the allotment.'
'The secretary, a retired policeman called Jeff, or 'Goebels of the Greenhouses' as we call him, is an officious shit.'
'He demands every square inch is constantly cultivated. So I'm growing a fuck off huge crop of dandelions. And blowing them all over the other allotments at every opportunity.'
'Fuck him and his little fiefdom. All the retired old women swooning over him and choking on their HRT. Pricks to a man.'