Horses have began mounting humans whilst wearing lamé multicoloured outfits and wielding a whip it has been announced.
Gold Cup winner Puff the Magic Dragon said 'I realised that, rather than running endlessly with some tiny tit on my back, I could ride him.'
'So I put on my best shiny clothes, jammed a whip into my hoof and mounted the nearest mini gobshite I could find.'
'It was particularly fun whipping the hell out of his flank and legs to make him run faster. Ironically the pain caused him to slow down. So I did the only logical thing. I hit him harder.'
'He was squealing at this point. He was pathetic. Then he fell at the first fence. It was really quite uncomfortable for me tumbling like that. So I took a shotgun and blew his brains out right there on the racing course.'
'Time to find another little bastard to maim.'