Conservative Party peerages were awarded yesterday on a 'You Enable, We Ennoble' basis it has emerged.
If you have helped financially or materially achieve success for the Tory Party, you can expect to become a Lord, as long as you show a penchant for scheming.
'After donating money in exchange for tax breaks for my companies, I gladly accept this peerage' said one anonymous Lord.
'I feel I can make a great contribution to British society. That is, the bits of society that are super rich, pay little tax and enjoy pointing and laughing at poor people.'
'Well, I say people. They're more cattle really aren't they?'