Pub landlords and managers everywhere are yet to realise people just want to get quietly drunk with piped background music it has emerged.
Innocuous poo hits played through the speaker system at a low volume is all that is required to help the journey to unconciousness.
The customers at the Red Bell in Hull have suffered, as an unexpected live band strikes up.
'I was well on my way to bliss when an unholy dirge blasted in my direction' said Ash Kennedy.
'There was a collective groan from the whole pub as 'The Stray Blues', four fiftysomething musicians who are convinced they are going to make it and are software developers 'until we hit big' starting murdering cover versions.'
'It was at this point that most patrons committed suicide. Stop playing shite and let us get cunted in peace!'