The population of Britain are to all have their surnames changed to the county they live in to help prevent Joey Essex from having a breakdown it has been announced.
Essex, from Essex, has been unable to comprehend that people aren't named after where they are from despite multiple attempts at explaining.
Professor Charles Greater London of The Felchfield Institute said 'Joey is a classic case of a failed education system and an inability to think creatively.'
'It's great we celebrate this.'
But Dr. Andrew Merseyside disagrees.
'Those unfortunate enough to have the intellectual capacity of a tin of Spam must be helped, not hindered.'
'It is only a small change to our lives. Though I do worry for my dyslexic friend, Mike Kirkcudbrightshire.'
