ISIS, aka ISIL, aka The Artist Formerly Known as Al Qaeda in Iraq, have said they are going to give up and go home in a statement issued today.
Written in crayon on a Teletubbies colourring book, the statement read 'It has become really hard work to behead all these people. The devil America is still bombing us, but more importantly, I miss my mum.'
It continued 'We are aware that we are meant to get all these virgins when we die, but it's really cold at night in the desert and I miss watching X-Factor and dunking custard creams in tea.'
'This caliphate creation thing. It's far too hard. Somebody said to do it properly I had to read the Qu'ran and it's really long and I don't want to. They don't do a 'Where's Wally?' version of the Qu'ran.'
'Can I come home now please? There are only so many goat kebabs you can eat before needing a KFC and a Maccies.'
