As it emerges that Volkswagen cars have been falsifying their emissions data across America, the company is said to be scrambling for a solution.
Hans Gertman, chief efficiency officer said 'We are looking into any and all solutions to this crisis'
'It is unlike our company to mislead people this way so we sill solve it'
'Otherwise I am to be shot at dawn and my family made to wear a VW sign pinned to their lapels.'
'Looks like I'm going to have to go with the emergency plan of shoving filtertips, rizlas and sanitary towels in the exhaust pipe.'
'I want to live!'