News has emerged that unknown megastructures that can only be made by intelligent beings are orbitting a distant star.
The structures, which may be comets but are probably huge space stations with artificial gravity, clean air and edible Spam, house a race of superintelligent alien beings.
We spoke to an alien who is a quantum plumber called Brian.
'Please go away. Don't come anywhere hear us. You are basically a rampant disease and I don't want some sort of weird alien creatures shagging my daughter. Because you will. I know you will. I've seen your porn. You'll shag, burn and blow up anything.'
'Just fuck off and take you weird, gooey sexual habits with you, you fucking weirdos.'
