A saucepan lid has been used for the first time since 1973 it has been revealed.
Ermintrude, a pyrex vented lid to a non-stick hard-anodised aluminium pan was shocked when she started to get extremely warm.
'I was happily chatting away to Mike the knife sharpener and Kerry the fondue set when all of a sudden I am plonked on top of a pan.'
'Never in my five years has this happened. I was livid! Kerry, Mike and myself were discussing comparitive economic theory of post-war western Europe when all of a sudden my arse is red hot!'
'It was bloody agony. And bubbles of steam kept smashing into me. It's just not good enough. I have no idea why I am suddenly being used.'
'I mean, I should have been many times. I am part of a ridiculously expensive pan set that is used mainly for frying eggs and boiling to death cheap Dolmio all because we look good in a draw and we are heavy bottomed. Which, incidentally, is bloody insulting. My bottom is svelte and sporty, thank you.'
'Anyway, the hot dogs that are meant to take 5 minutes were eventually finished after 20 minutes after they had split open and any flavour had been sucked out osmotically.'
'I was then put in a completely different drawer with an eggtimer called Henry who I suspect may be a psychopath. Always counting down to something.'
