Transporter of the precious Waitrose things, Ocado, has suffered some minor technical glitches which led to late deliveries and customers regressing to a proto-human state.
Rupert Simpson-Muir from Windsor said 'I didn't get my morning organic wheatgrass shot with mango and had to drink something called 'milk'. I have never had to consume a monosyllabic foodstuff in my life, so I beat the postman to a pulp.'
This was only one of a spate of violence bordering on an epidemic. Tara La Bouche of Stratford-Upon-Avon stated, 'I was meant to be having grass fed organic 42 day dry aged buffalo fillet for supper but instead had to visit Tesco and buy a beef steak. It just wasn't good enough, so I smashed the place up. I went ballistic on the fucker. There was scotch pancakes everywhere.'
Ocado have said they apologise for the technical problem and they have assured the lower-middle and working classes it will not happen again. 'We're very sorry. We know it is our place to keep these people in line. We promise that we will fit a back-up system which we are calling 'Operation Twat Gratifier.'
