British soul breakthrough act Sam Smith, who won 4 Grammys last night, says he won't pay excess luggage charges for his awards.
'They're so bloody heavy' said Smith, 22. 'Why do they make them out of pieces of black hole? My suit case weighs a sodding tonne and the British Airways excess baggage costs means my bags are on the plane but I'm getting a 60 year old fishing trawler home.'
Smith continues 'I've got people to entertain with my safe easy listening soul grooves. Now I'm spending a month stinking of fish and crooning to 7 tone deaf fisherman who may well all be each others father, brother and sister. All because those bloody awards used to be mediaeval cannon balls.'
Madonna, who performed at last night's awards, offered to take 2 of them off Smith's hands.
'I'm due more youth treatments.' said Madonna, referring to her industrial chemical dips and skin replacement surgeries. 'I'm running out of adopted children to steal skin off and my tits look like used condoms. I thought the Grammys would make amazing breast implants.'
