Todays announcement that both Jeremy Clarkson and Zayn Malik have left Top Gear and One Direction have led to Commissioning Editors to create 'Top Direction'
Described as 'A car entertainment program interspersed with insipid pop beats and casual racism' but described by everyone else as 'A satan inspired, three week old wank stained shitfest' the show starts tonight on Netflix.
Malik said of his new show 'I want to be a normal 22 year old and sit down, enjoy Top Gear and laugh at foreign people.'
And Clarkson was also in jubilant mood. 'The new show will open a new audience to me. I am divorcing my wife and Zayn can get me a 16 year old impressionable virgin I can manipulate and bend to my will.'
With a budget of £1 million per episode, over £900k will be spent on Clarkson's curling tongs. Rigid, painful to touch and full of hot air, Clarkson is 57.