With the announcement that Jeremy Clarkson has been fired from Top Gear, all 1 million of his petition signers have committed suicide.
In a pact that saw them all gather inside caravans and blow themselves up, the man himself has responded with sadness.
'This leaves me with a heavy heart.' said Clarkson
'They only blew up 100,000 caravans. Couldn't they have done more? Though at least this will annoy the pikeys for a while.'
Meanwhile, UKIP has announced it is disbanding. With its entire electoral base dead, Nigel Farage will be going back to investment banking and engaging in casual racism in the pub.