The FTSE share index has had an unprecedented surge it has been announced.
We asked man in the street Mike Gibbs for his opinion on this event.
'What is the FTSE anyway? It's always surging and dropping, rising and falling. Is it some bloke's cock?'
He continued 'It's pronounced footsie. It is definitely something sexual. And yet it is always business reporters that discuss it. Are they a bunch of sex maniacs?'
James Smythe, city hedge fund manager said 'Honestly, we haven't a clue either. Going up is generally good, unless you have bet a shitload of someone elses money on it going down.'
He continued 'But honestly, we just make it up as we go along. I have a degree in environmental management and thought a hedge fund was some sort of savings account to replace hedgerows.'
'I, along with my colleagues who have actual economics degrees which, incidentally, you just buy, haven't a fucking clue what's going on.'