London's new waste of taxpayer's money, The Garden Bridge, is to be a realistic representation of the typical British garden.
'It will have old washing machines and fridges scattered across it' said Michael Treswell, the architect.
'There will also be mangy old sofas that are soaked through and look like they have started to be eaten by wild dogs. And there will be wild dogs too.'
He continued 'It's important that it represents us as a people.'
'So it will be mown once every 6 years when there are lost kids in there and the old SMEG fridges will be vandalised by someone with a black marker pen who has written 'Knob Cheese' on the door.
Everyone everywhere else said 'Could we have a new train that isn't 30 years old and falling apart instead of this waste of fucking time and money?'